The Beautiful Swan

Kindergarten school picture 1956

Mother was so overwhelmed with five of us girls at the end of twelve children of her own and taking in other people’s children.  She was forced to find ways to make her million tasks easier.  One of the things she did was to have my sister Ginny cut our hair to a “Dutch cut”.  Mother explained that she needed it to be easy for her to comb our hair because there was so much to do to get us all off to school. She said, “When you are old enough to take care of it yourselves,  you can grow it as long as you like.” 

When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t feel pretty at all.  I thought I looked like a boy.  I missed my curls.  I had heard people say how darling they were.  Mother would even get them wet and scrunch them.   I loved it when Mother would touch my hair or stroke my arm. She reserved her hugs for Dad until she grew older and we were adults.

When I was old enough to read on my own, I read the classic story of The Ugly Duckling.  I noticed the duckling had no hair, like me after I had mine cut.  At the end of the story, the ugly duckling turns into a beautiful swan.  I had never seen such a beautiful bird.  She looked so regal.  I hugged the book and closed my eyes tightly as I imagined someday, I would be beautiful like the swan. 

I was in my 50’s before I started hearing people tell me I was beautiful.  It was after I had let go of a lifetime of baggage and opened my heart to love again. While on a boating trip, I glanced at a young girl walking toward me in the distance. Before I realized who it was, I was struck by how stunningly beautiful she was.  I kept my eyes on her as she walked closer, noticing that her beautiful features were almost exactly like mine.  It finally landed, the swan had arrived. The young girl was my daughter Jessica.

I visualize daily my beautiful being until I breathe it into expression!