Hansel and Gretel

My big sister got a studio apartment uptown when I was eight.  She called to see if I wanted to stay with her.  I was so excited!  In those days it was pretty safe for a child to take the bus alone.  Everyone looked out for us.  I felt really big when I got on the bus all by myself.  When the bus driver dropped me, I wasn’t sure which direction to go.  I couldn’t remember the name of the street.  It seemed I walked forever and couldn’t decide which apartment house was hers.  It was getting dark.  I was feeling very afraid of being alone in the dark in a strange place.  I was eight years old.

Finally, an old lady noticed me and asked if I was lost. She looked so old and wrinkled, and kind of bent over.  I was sure she must be the witch from Hansel and Gretel.  When she offered to take me to her apartment to use her phone, my imagination went wild with pictures of her taking me into her home, locking me up, and having me for dinner.  Too frightened to speak, I somehow remembered my phone number. I finally calmed down when I heard Mother's voice on her phone.  I was so relieved to discover she was just a kind old lady.  Both of my grandmothers had passed when my parents were in their teens.  I was not yet familiar with what old age looked like on a woman.  

1958 eight years old

Throughout most of my school years my very best friends were my sisters.  I didn’t mix well with other children.  I felt “different” and uncomfortable.  Especially after Dad was sent to prison for his religious beliefs.  I made one friend in elementary school who became my very best friend until middle school.  Dad got wind that she was doing things I wasn't allowed, so he told me not to hang with her anymore.  I felt very sad, but trusted Dad’s judgement.  Soon I noticed she was missing at school.  I met her again a few years later at the store where I worked.  I was still in high school.  She was there with her mother and a baby that was hers.  I then understood what Dad was trying to protect me from.

I enjoyed primary at the LDS ward house.  When I was old enough, the elders offered to baptize me.  They made it clear that for me to be a member of the Church I would have to promise not to live the way my Dad lived.  I wasn’t ready to make a promise like that.  I didn’t see anything wrong with my family.  I didn’t understand the judgement I felt about how the “outside” world” viewed us. I just knew I felt safe and loved within my family. 

I open myself to the flow of life, people, and events as I experience being human.